Another Birthday gone.

For all of you that know or don't know, yesterday was Madelise's 5th birthday. It doesn't seem like it has been that long on some days and then on other day's it seems like it has been forever. I have to say that out of all of her birthday's yesterday was the hardest. I think about all of the first's that would happen this year. She would be in kindergarten she would probably be loosing her first tooth, along so many other things. It is very hard to think about what she would have looked like, or how she would sound if I could hear her talk. Up until yesterday arrived, I dreaded Aug 3rd every year because of the saddness that I have always felt from missing her. Zach the boys and I had a little birthday party for her like we do every year, but this year was different. Gavin was making all of the decisions on how to celebrate Sissy's birthday, and that was nice for a change. I took his lead. He wanted to make sure that Sissy had a fun time at her party in Heaven, so we needed to make it fun here for her too. Wow was he is good. By letting him take charge and make the decisions it was what I needed. He did not moup around the house being sad that she was gone, but he was happy to have a party. Garrett was as excited to do the same, he wanted that cake and icecream! Gavin was a life saver yet again, when it came to the subject of his sister. You see what he always seems to remind me of is not the saddness but the joy of her life. I do good most days to remember all the wonderful things that have happened from her short life, but sometimes, I forget that, on her birthday it is the greatest opportunity to celebrate the life that she has in Heaven. I know that I am probably rambling on here, I guess the point that I am trying to make is that I finally found the joy, that I was looking for. God used my sweet boy to bring me the joy that I needed to make it through the day. Gavin decided that we would start a new tradition this year along with our other traditions. He picked out a wind chime with a green dragon fly on it. Green is his favorite color, so it has to be Sissy's to, he says that the windchime is to remind us of Maddie. He said that when the wind blows and it makes the chimes wiggle, it sounds sweet. It sounds like Maddie sounds when she laughs in Heaven. So every time it "rings" it will let us hear Sissy laugh in Heaven. Now how sweet is that. Now every year we will by a new windchime on Madelise's birthay! God definately used Gavin to help me through the day, and I hope that every one reading this pays attention to the little people around you, because God can and will use them to